A Touch of Grace

It is now mid-November as I write and autumn’s cold winds are once again upon us hailing forth the oncoming winter with the laying of the ground a carpet of leaves.  To think how much I have grown mentally and spiritually is beyond crazy! My inner being has experienced a transformation, a touch of grace I cannot understand, let alone explain; I feel like a pokemon. I can only continue to be in awe of the world around me.  

Chains have been lifted, cages broken, and doors- once locked- now lay wide open. The hurdles, which I had once thought impossible to clear are now no more than mere blurred objects- out of focus, far behind me as new challenges appear in the horizon. I’m encouraged to realise that the Lord’s mercy is upon me.

This post may sound all too zealous and make me sound like a religious lunatic, but frankly I don’t care about how appear anymore. I have endured so much, experiencing life with its struggles, I dread to think where my life would have been heading had I never collided with grace. As I listen to Bon Iver’s Flume, “I am my mother’s only one/ I wear my garment so it shows” I’m proud to boast in Him for I have been saved from a life all so precarious.

Uncertainty is a killer, that murderer of hopes and dreams.  

I cannot help but praise Him that stretched out his hand to reach someone unworthy like me. What was once a mirage has now become a reality, and now my hope now rests in Him.

So where to now?

I have complete faith that he will direct thy path. I have confidence that he will guide me through this walk of life through to the next. Through the trials and suffering; through the joys and laughter, my life now rests utterly in his hands. He has become my cornerstone, a lamp to my feet to clear the road that once boasted victory in its obscurity.  Gone are the misleading signs that only lead to dead ends; the blockades barricading the way to true freedom.

Freedom is truth.  And the thing about truth is, “The truth will set you free.”

The power of truth is alive, and with it is the breath of true life which is light, for deception is a slave master with an iron heart who wields ignorance as a whip, mercilessly lashing out in the darkness.   

So what may I liken truth to?

Truth is a mighty lion that refuses, despite deception’s lashes and cunning, to submit to be tamed. 

Truth is like a mighty hunter, a warrior born to do battle wielding a mighty sword that cuts through the toughest cords of falsehood. With one smite, he cuts off the head of the serpent which writhes once or twice, never to speak another lie with its forked tongue again.

Independence.

Looking at some blog posts on some hidden Tumblr page (…yeah once upon a time..) I’m shocked to see how much things have changed from 3 years ago! I’m a completely different person. Damn. Maturity hit hard.  When did this transformation happen?! I don’t recall waking up looking in the mirror and suddenly feeling like an adult,  although the face that stared back at me was that of a 19 year old.

The 19 year old who just simply grew up.

Reflecting on 2012 is the only solution I can come to as the life-changing year. I can only reach this conclusion because it was then, aged 18,  that I endeavored in experiencing all the dumb, teen rite-of-passage into adulthood moments. Having had a full time job whilst friends have enjoyed the ritual that is Uni,  has also played a major role in the metamorphosis. Like a butterfly that was once a caterpillar, my transformation, though still in a process, wings have began to emerge. Change has come.

Now as 20 looms ever closer with every day, the toddler I once was has decided to trust intuition and take the first step into the big world. What can I expect? Or rather, what are my anticipations? Honestly, I cannot say. In fact I’m not expecting much. Well… maybe just an influx of wisdom and knowledge. Nothing much more. As long as I have my daily bread and people to share happiness with as one, I can say I am content.  But I already came to the conclusion this world is beyond human understanding. As hard as it was for me to accept, I have finally accepted there are some things we will just never find out… Not in our lifetime anyway.

But regardless, I’m excited for whatever is to come. The future is a foggy road that is only unveiled and made clearer a step at a time. And that’s exactly what I plan to do. There is no point of resolutions unless you decide to take action. Affirmative action.

However affirmative action needs concrete planning. To walk the walk, sometimes talking the talk is needed. I once thought maybe if I “laid back” and prayed about it, perhaps one day things would suddenly land in my lap. But then I realised that a loving father inevitably wants his child to be independent.

And this is the voice of my independence.

“I’m Ready”

Word of the day: Trust - Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

Verse Of the day: Hebrews 11:1 – Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Anchor of my Soul


This is my most played song on my iPod. After a week spent at New Wine. I came back to Southampton re-spiritualised. Whenever I feel low, or unsure of myself, I play this song and I’m back to the woods I used to wake up early in the morning, shower, then put on my wellies for some walking and solitary confinement. But I was never alone.. Not really.

Through the Look-In glass

sunset06.jpg

The more I keep thinking about it, the more it seems to hit me. I need to travel. Now that’s not just some generic teenage speech for ‘I want to find myself’ no. There is that. But to this day I have an inclining, however small, to at least a small portion of who I am. The child that remains inside me. The real me. The roots and foundations of my identity; unmasked. No.. I want to find the world. Experience real belief, faith, & true life changing experiences which can only be attained, I believe, only when you start looking from the outside-in. Then we can truly say we know who we are, where we’ve come from and perhaps figure out, where it is we think we need to go.

Yes it is a small world…

Or is it?

We quite often look at the world and we are quick to dismiss its value. Its natural beauty in all its glory. The Ancient Greeks actually thought the Earth was a living, breathing entity. How oft I think about how much truth resides within that thesis. We like to categorise things, label them and put them in a box and close it. Well… I think we all need to be more like Pandora. Not ignorant, but curious, ever pondering; questions lead to answers.  But in our search for those answers, we must proceed with caution. Ignorance is bliss. Lest we overdose on the high and fall to the ground as kid Icarus came to find out. Less arrogance, more humility. If these truly are the last days, then we, humans, are like cats on our 9th life.

Curiosity.

Humanity’s curse and blessing.   By travelling I want to attain truth. I seek truth as if the very core of my heart demands it.  I want to witness it all. So one day I too may testify to the wonders of this world. Whether that’s summer sunsets, or the transformation of winter to spring among nature; death and rebirth. This world is one big artistic masterpiece.